One of the things that I knew would be hard about being on a mission is that you don't get a ton of positive feed-back, which is something I've always needed especially when it comes to gospel type stuff. After I give a talk in sacrament meeting, or give a lesson in Relief Society, I always feel super vulnerable until a few people have convinced me that I've done a good job. And that's just not something you get out here. Nobody ever tells you "I really appreciate the way described the spirit world.. I've never thought about it like that before" or "thanks for sharing your testimony with me. It really helped me get through"... That's just not something investigators are ever going to tell you.
But it something I need. The gospel is so personal to me that often times I can't share some points effectively without handing the person a piece of my soul as well. And often they don't realize what's in their hands and throw it away. It doesn't hurt, but it does wear me down.
But sometimes that piece of my soul inspires people. Sometimes our work does do more than I realized. Sometimes we share our knowledge of the reality of the grace offered to us and people let it change them.
And we experienced some of that this past week.
On Monday, we met a man named J. We were in the area to meet somebody else that we had an appointment with, but he didn't show up. We were heading out when a man called for us to come over to see what we had to offer him. The man was probably drunk, but we still began talking and he told us we needed to meet his friend next door. He got him to come out and we had a good gospel discussion. He asked to hear our testimonies before the night was over and we set a time to come back. A quick bio--J is a former Apostolic preacher who was pushed out of his own ministry by his partner earlier in the year.
On Thursday, we went back over to see him again. He'd told us when we'd found him, he'd been in "a back-slidden condition" and not living the way he knew he should be. He said that our testimonies inspired him and that after we left and recommitted himself to God. He said that he wasn't looking to join the Mormon church, but if Spirit testified that it was true, he would drop everything and join. (We really appreciate that attitude, because there are way too many people who are "comfortable" in their religion and are much more likely to listen to their pastor, or whoever (that's being paid for his work) rather than to the spirit) We shared Joseph Smith's account of the first vision with him. He felt the spirit and knew what it was, which was also exciting. We left him with a Book of Mormon and he was really excited about it.
We went back on Saturday, and he'd read all the intro/testimonies, parts of Mosiah, and all of Moroni. He had some good questions and said he wanted to come to church. And he did come to church. We think he had a great experience, but we haven't gotten to talk with him much since. We look forward to see where that goes.
We've been told that there is power in our testimonies, but I'm not sure if I truly believed that before.
I'm tremendously grateful for a Heavenly Father who does answer our righteous petitions, for the Holy Ghost which does bear testimony of our testimonies, for people who truly desire the spirit to lead their lives rather than let their comfort zones dictate their ability to progress--because there truly is little growth in our comfort zones, and little comfort in our growth zones. It's amazing how we can still feel so much peace when we do have the gravity of souls on our shoulders--the gospel is purdy great like that.
And I apologize that this letter is probably super boring to anybody aside from my Mom, but here is my simple testimony to conclude: I know that we have a loving Father in Heaven. I know that His plan and His laws are for our good AND for our happiness. I know that, because He loves us, He continues to speak to His children today through a prophet. I know that Joseph Smith did see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and that through him the true church and the "dispensation of the fullness of times" (Ephesians 1:10) has been brought to the earth again. And I know that He will prevail, that the scriptures are real, that the work is indeed hastening, and that there will never be a better time than the present for ALL (myself included) to repent--turn toward God--and do their best to be led by the Holy Ghost. And most of all that love is the motor--the power behind the Atonement and the only motivation strong enough for us to do what is required of us. And I close this part of my testimony today in the name of Jesus Christ, in hopes that its power my uplift and inspire individuals to take a step closer to their Heavenly Father, be a little better, and have a little more hope (1 Peter 3:15/Moroni 7:41).
Much love,
Sister Bowen
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